Friday, October 31, 2008

Cardinal Varsity Club Auction

Apparently around this time of year, people begin to think of gifts to give their loved ones. It is the Christmas season, after all, since Halloween is tomorrow. Assuming you haven't pissed away all your savings on Cambodian hookers and coke like last year, what better way to say "I love you", "I'm sorry", "You were adopted" or any other sentiment than by giving gifts you've won through the Cardinal Varsity Club auction.

There truly is something for everyone and really all price levels. There's a trip for two to The Late Show with David Letterman, dinner for 8 with Tom Collins, dinner with President Gora (which I bet will be a real barrel of monkeys, let me tell you), and dinner for 4 with BSU basketball head coach Billy Taylor. They tried this auction item last year with Ronnie Thompson, but the blackberries for the creme brulee weren't black enough.

On the cheaper side of things, there's everything from dog groomings, to car washes... hell even Edge's old man tossed in some oil changes at the Ford dealership he runs. And it isn't a party till one of Edge's family members checks your dipstick. Wait.. what?

As I peruse auctions like this, I always look for signed footballs and basketballs to add to my collection. So imagine my giddy delight when I noticed there were several up for grabs in this auction. Of course, while the Brad Maynard or International Bowl team balls were impressive. Another caught me eye.

Up for grabs? A football signed by none other than one Bill Lynch. No shit. Maybe I'm confused. The current bid is at 30 dollars. That's the money that they would have to pay you to display this turd on your memorabilia wall, right? The only possible way I would pay actual money for this is if I got to choose what it would say. I'd go with something along the lines of "Dear Alan, I'm sorry for driving your football team into the ground faster than Ted Kennedy in a Volkswagen. I would have killed myself, but I'm sure I would have sucked at that too. - Bill Lynch". Leave comments for your autograph suggestions.


Edge said...

personally, I'm skipping the Bill Lynch ball. As tempting as it is to have for a joke, I'd get sick of explaining it as such to anyone that sees it.

I'm more on the market for 4 pallets of beautiful sod. Because when I think of Ball State Athletics, I naturally think of 4 pallets of beautiful sod.

nick kline said...

what's wrong with being adopted you fuck?