Thursday, January 08, 2009

Rage, Rage Against the Dying of the Light

In roughly 11 hours, two things will be certain...

1.) There will be many, many, many drunk people in south Florida. You know, more than normal.


2.) College football will be done for the 2008 season.

The National Championship (or "Mythical National Championship" for smarmy blogger types) is tonight in Miami, and Oklahoma and Florida will have 60 minutes to give us enough football action to at least get us to February 4th or the day when 17-year olds bring old men to tears by putting on a cap with a logo and signing their name to a dotted line. What the hell is wrong with all of us?

What is most exciting to me is that one team is going to collectively look like horses' asses after tonight. Whether it be Gator LB Brandon Spikes calling the Big 12 slow, Gator CB Joe Haden shaving letters and numbers into his hair, Sooner CB Dominique Franks saying Tim Tebow wouldn't be in the Top 3 in the Big 12, to Sooner safety Nic Harris expanded that to the Top 7 while saying Percy Harvin is just another receiver. I'm no genius and it's been beaten to death, but why in the hell would you serve extra motivation to Tim Tebow? He is without doubt the best player on his team, best player in his conference, best player in football, and arguably one of the best players in recent memory. The guy eats lightening and shits strawberry shortcakes and all you have managed to do was piss off a sleeping giant. Ask the Japs how that strategy worked back in 41.

Tim Tebow... Shortcake Shitter

In an effort of full disclosure, I'm an unapologetic SEC homer. Watching the SEC on Saturdays in high def with a glass of bourbon is I hope what heaven is like. However, I can also recognize quality teams when I see them, regardless of conference affiliation. Oklahoma is a good team. But Florida is a great team. A great team with speed. Speed unlike Big 12 speed. ESS-EEE-SEE Speed, brother! And in recent years, that combination has served national champions pretty well, to the tune of 4-0 for the SEC in the big game.

Truthfully, as long as this game is even remotely interesting and/or exciting past halftime, it will be better than championship games of recent seasons. Oklahoma doesn't have Ohio State on their jerseys, so there is a chance that they may actually show up. But as most everyone knows, with Bob Stoops' record in major bowls, having Chokelahoma is the next best thing to the Buckeyes.

Pundits across the board are calling for a good game, with decent scoring, and an entertaining curtain drop to 2008. Slight edge goes to Florida from the national types, though that may be biased a bit since our feedreader is predominantly SEC. The game itself even leaves your faithful creative team here at OTP at a loss as to what's going to happen. However, we follow the national trend, picking the Gators in a 2-1 vote.

Edge: 31-24 Florida, MVP to Tim Tebow

RV: 31-24 Oklahoma, MVP to Gerald McCoy

Alan: 42-21 Florida, MVP to Tim Tebow

Reasons why I picked the Gators? Aside from their demon speed? I have just a few...
1.) Stoops has lost his last two bowl games, and four of his last five at OU. Meyer had won four straight bowl games in a row before his young defense gave up 524 yards to Michigan last year in a 41-35 loss. Winning and success usually breeds more of it. Advantage: UF

2.) Injury to Sooner DeMarco Murray leaves him out, injury to Gator Percy Harvin but he will play. Harvin is a gamechanger, much the way Murray was, and Florida with Percy is considerably better than Florida without. If that's possible. Advantage: UF

3.) Travel from Gainesville to Miami is a lot easier than Norman, OK, not to mention the crowd advantage the Gators should have playing about four and a half hours from home. Advantage: UF

11 hours left. 660 short minutes to savor the flavor of college football before it's gone again for months. Eat it up. Get crunk. Do whatever it is you do, because you don't have much longer to do it.

Thoughts on the game?


Jay-Rod said...

Oklahoma 14-10.

Tebow has a couple turnovers.

RV said...

Let it be known that not all of us at OTP want to have Tebow's babies. Most of the rational ones know he'll either come down to earth when pictures of him touching little boys surface or when everyone sees him as a glorified fullback that can throw the ball to fast guys in the same color shirt.

Alan said...

You're right RV, I am a Tebow fan.

For once in recent memory we have a student athlete who isn't an off the field discipline problem, gets his grades, and just shows up every week and wins football games. To me, that's worth celebrating. Irrational or not.

And everyone who knows you knows that if Tebow played for Notre Dame you'd have an "I <3 TT" tattooed somewhere on your person. You do the same for Clausen and he sucks.

Anonymous said...

Oklahoma. Huge. BOOMER SOONER!!

RV said...

I'm not sure I think he should be celebrated for his slightly above average stats because of his off the field glory stories? There are hundreds and hundreds of off-field warriors that you fail to recognize because you've been EsPNified. Congrats on that. USC 2005! BEST TEAM EVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Alan said...

No, RV, I think good athletes are worthy of celebration. But tossing a little oblong piece of leather to another neanderthal doesn't in and of itself qualify you to be a national celebrity especially given the large number of said leather tossers shooting up a fast food joint with an uzi or gang raping little Mary Jane Rotten Crotch.

So let me get this straight... It's not irrational to reward someone for making it rain at a strip club but it is irrational to give a guy props for winning a Heisman, getting a good GPA, and also mentoring people about Christ while doing missionary work across the globe? The only missionary work most D1 athletes do is when the coed they're banging is too drunk to do anything but lay there.

Hating someone because they like God and don't spike their hair while binge drinking at an off campus lacrosse party *cough* JimmyClausen *cough* is ridiculous.

But hey, Go Domers. With the right breaks next year it they might win 7 and make it to the Motor City Bowl!

Anonymous said...

Florida wins a close one 28-24.

Anonymous said...

It isn't even close. Florida kicks Oklahoma's ass. 24-7

Edge said...

Ok, ok. I have to admit I am not a Tebow fan. He's a good quarterback, a good leader, and a good Christian. But he annoys the FUCK out of me. That alone outweighs anything he has done or will do tonight. And that's the end of that chapter.

That being said, while my heart my be with OU tonight, if my wallet were in the mix, I'd steer my cash toward Florida. That's the logical bet, like Tebow or not.

So I'm picking Florida because it's seemingly the right pick. I'm like RV in that I'm no Tebow fan, but reality is reality.

Alan said...

So you hate God and Jesus like RV? Fabulous. Good to know.

RV said...

You bring up very valid points, but you're starting to sound like Whitlock. Look at me, I can cherry pick with the best of them! Tebow only does good! He's never drank in his life! No other college athlete does anything besides rape women (Mark Sanchez...)!

So, let me get this straight. A 21 year old athlete is at a hockey (not lacrosse) party and isn't allowed to have fun? I don't remember claiming anything about Jimmy Clausen, but if you want to bring him into this, that's fine.

The more and more I read the things you write, the more you come off like Whitlock and the other media whores. Congrats, you bashed Notre Dame. Oh wait, aren't you a Notre Dame fan? Let's just wait until they win 10 games next year and see what you're saying. The SEC bandwagon has enough people on it right now, they don't need you too.

Edge said...

Hate God and Jesus? Because I don't like Tim Tebow? By that logic, you were a David Koresh fan? He was a Jesus freak too...

Anyway, great game last night. Nice way to end the year.