Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Rich Brooks Thinks Your Current Truck Is Bullshit

It's not a secret that the state of Kentucky carries with it certain stereotypes. I have tried faithfully through my career travels in the mid-Atlantic and the east coast to prove these types of things wrong. I, in fact, wear shoes. I do not, in fact, live in a trailer. I, in fact, can read. I do not, in fact, have intercourse with family members after consuming a mayonnaise sandwich.

Rich Brooks, head coach of my beloved Kentucky Wildcats, is doing his part as well to combat the stereotypes of Bluegrass natives being a little bit rednecky. Oh wait... no. Not at all.

Announced today was the Rich Brooks Edition Ford F-150. According to the release, "The toughest truck on the market now bears the toughest coaches’ name". And really, who could argue with that sentiment. Rich Brooks thinks trucks and their toughness are decidedly not bullshit. What's on this TruckBeast you ask?

The truck will be equipped with a customized UK Paint Scheme of True Blue, Black and Silver that is brought to you by Fortune Collision Center, a Retax Cover Tailgate Cover, Rich Brooks Signature decals on doors and tailgate, Rich Brooks edition decals on fenders and quarter panels, 22 inch Custom Chrome Tires and Wheels, Tinted Windows, Dual Exhaust, a Toff Spray in Bed Liner!

Papaw is rolling on deuce-deuces and that brings a small smile to my grizzled Brooks-esque heart.

The good news is that this simply opens the doors to other coaches cutting endorsement deals for their own vehicular awesomeness. For example...

Coach: Pete Carrol
Car: Toyota Prius
Rationale: "It's good for the environment. And I'm totally jacked to make my contribution. Always compete and always take care of Mother Earth."
Coach Brooks says: "Bullshit. Buy American."

Coach: Nick Saban
Car: Bishop Don "Magic" Juan's Cadillac
Rationale: "Green for the money, gold for the honeys"
Coach Brooks says: "Bullshit. Caddys are for grandmas and gangbangers"

Coach: Charlie Weis
Car: The Weinermobile
Rationale: "Frankly, there's only one thing I love more than Bon Jovi and all you can eat buffets, and that's hot dogs. Plus, this gives me the ample room and luxury to fit comfortably in the cockpit"
Coach Brooks says: "Bullshit. Fatty."

Coach: Dave Wannstedt
Car: The MuttCutts Van
Rationale: "The 'Stache-O-Awesome needs a companion as we travel America's highways and byways looking for the next great talent to squander away in a MAC loss."
Coach Brooks says: "Bullshit. And shave those lip pubes."

Coach: Lane Kiffin
Car: The Hillbilly Deluxe
Rationale: "I don't want to look like a carpet bagger. I mean, sure, my wife is gorgeous, I'm kind of young, I don't really fit in with any semblance of UT supporter ever, but this is a good first step of making my assimilation to Knoxville culture and Big Orange."
Coach Brooks says: "Bullshit. But nice funbags on the Mrs., Lane"


Anonymous said...

Steve Kragthorpe

The Titanic

"Because I am driving the Louisville program right into the ground. Iceberg not included."

BobbyP Pants said...

Bobby Petrino

A police cruiser.

Lucas Calhoun said...

Say what you will, but every now and then, I like a good mayonnaise sandwich...hehe.