Ball State Player Arrested.. We Have Arrived

Ball State redshirt sophomore safety Dane Cook (pictured right), not to be confused with the hack comic, was arrested on Saturday, not for having awful hair, but for being wasted and failing to pay for a taxi. A taxi to Beacon Hill, which unless he was coming from Indianapolis, makes no sense either since the campus bars are roughly 7 blocks away. Unfortunately being lazy beyond belief isn't a crime.

The actual offenses, while not egregious in and of themselves, essentially boil down to not paying for his ride and being an intoxicated moron. However, Delaware County and apparently the state of Indiana see the offense differently, as it is a Class D felony punishable by six months to three years in prison and a $10,000 fine, according to Indiana Code. If convicted of public intoxication, which is a Class B misdemeanor, Cook could face 180 days in jail and a $1,000 fine, according to Indiana Code.

Of course, all this simply points to more evidence that Ball State has arrived on the college football landscape. It won't be long now until players are shooting off assault rifles in apartment complexes and then winning national championships.

BSU has commented that Cook has been disciplined by Stan Parrish, but there is no word what said punishment was. In Cook's defense, and according to Ole Miss basketball coach Andy Kennedy, those cab drivers are real assholes, man.

Rules violations? This is bullshit.

I was never a talented enough athlete to be able to say what I would do in many situations that D-1 studs find themselves in. How to bust up a cover 2. How to lead a team to an SEC championship. What do with the truckload of young dumb sluts helpful members of the student body I'd be perpetually swimming in.

However, I can say with nearly 100% certainty that were I to be competing to replace Andre Woodson for the starting QB job at Kentucky I wouldn't be following my academic dismissal last season with unspecified "traffic charges" and then gunning for the trifecta to announce my dominance over fellow competitor Mike Hartline with a marijuana possession charge in Louisville.

But I'm not Curtis Pulley, and I don't play for Kentucky. Oh wait... now neither does Curtis! Head coach Rich Brooks has seen enough, and has kicked him off the team. Kudos to Brooks who thinks all of this is, indeed, bullshit. Mike Hartline immediately celebrated by running a stop sign, blazing a Dutch Masters, and grabbing a bottle of drank.